E Da Old Tymer

Welcome everyone to the first installment of The Flower Delivery Report; a retelling of the radio segment “Ryan’s Roses”.  Today, we recall the case of the Cowardly Cheater.

On today’s segment, we have a caller who would like to know if her boyfriend of the last two years has been creeping on the down low.  But there is more to this story.  The caller admitted that she herself, is married and the point of the call is to see if her side piece is being faithful.  If so, she will break it off with the guy at bat to pursue something more serious with the guy on deck.

Drama ensued almost immediately, as Sisanie did not want to make the call since the purpose is to assist someone that is being cheated on, not help someone who is cheating.  The girl has her principles.  Ryan was less concerned, as was Tanya, which I’m sure made listeners even more curious to find out what would happen if the call was made.  After a little more deliberation and at the dissent of Sisanie, Tanya agreed to make the call.

Silence comes from the cast as we listen to the sound of the ring back tone, anticipating whether or not the call will be answered.  No sooner than a few seconds, we would be greeting by a low-toned “hello”.

Tanya does her thing, letting the caller know she is from a random made-up flower shop offering free flowers as a promotion.  The caller is reluctant as usual, opting to research the business to check the validity.  Tanya overcomes this by stating that they are not a storefront location, which seems to dispel any initial concerns.  Tanya goes in for the kill, asking the contacted man who they would like to send the roses to.  I think the whole audience took a collected gasp when he spurted out his answer.

“There’s no one I want to send flowers to right now.”, the voice utters matter-of-factly. 

Tanya doesn’t quit. She inquires further, asking if there is no one that is top of mind for him to send these flowers to.

As he assures Tanya that he does not want to send the flowers, Ryan speaks up, letting the unknown partner in on the rouse.  Also, the inquiring woman chimes in, asking him why he wouldn’t send the flowers over to her.  The gentleman, with a seemingly confused tone, asked his secret lover if she is in fact no longer afraid to be caught, letting the audience know that he knew her situation the whole time and is a willing participant.  Also, his reluctance to send the flowers to the caller also showed something else; his desire to not pursue anything more than the relationship that existed.  In other words, he enjoyed being “the other guy” and did not want to pursue a more committed relationship.  He was adamant about not sending the flowers, stated that he would discuss this with the caller personally, and disconnected the call.

The female inquisitor was flabbergasted, left to wonder why her lover on call would not send over the fake bouquet.  And since there was no resolution, the crew called it a day.

Now we all know that infidelity is more common than we care to admit.  But there is something to be said when someone is knowingly and willingly violating a person’s trust and wants to find out if the person they are breaking that trust with, is not breaking that trust with them.  It creates a hypocritical situation where you get your cake and get to eat it too.  Cheating seldom, if ever, solves the issues.  You need to adults who are emotionally intelligent enough to have difficult conversations.  For example, one reason why the caller stated she was cheating on her significant other, was because she found a receipt for dinner in his pants pockets and did not believe his explanation.  If you aren’t happy with that explanation, the answer isn’t to go out and cheat as well.  Also, the woman planned to stay with her spouse should her secret rendezvous send the flowers to another dame.  Cowardice and audacity at its peak if you ask me. 

Verdict:  No contest – Caller did not send roses.

What do you think?  Is it ok to check up on a side piece if you’re the culprit?  And if you’re the guy, do you forgive and forget or do you pack up and hit the road?  Feel free to discuss in the comments.  Also, for more Ryan’s Roses, be sure to listen in every Tuesday and Thursday between 7:40 and 8:00 a.m. and listen to the Ryan Seacrest Morning Show every Monday through Friday from 6:00 to 10:00 a.m. on 102.7 KIIS FM in Los Angeles. 

Until next time…